In the wet, dark winter months, most people aren’t thinking about marathons or overnight hikes. But Ross Coniam isn’t most people.
After he and his wife Naomi lost their baby daughter Norah just 9 hours and 56 minutes after her birth in 2018, Ross began an extraordinary fundraising journey to support families affected by baby loss.
Through a series of endurance challenges known as Nine4Norah, he has now raised more than £144,000 for baby loss charities in his daughter’s memory.
In 2020, Ross also set up a men’s support network, #DadsandLadsNetwork, offering bereaved fathers and men struggling with mental health a safe space to talk via WhatsApp.
Although he has never met many of the men in the group, Ross says the support is invaluable.
“It’s just great for me to see that when people are struggling, and I’m in the same boat, every so often I’ll have a down day, I can just put a message in there, and someone will reply,” he said.
The group was created after Ross’ own experience of baby loss left him overwhelmed and withdrawn, staying at home for months.
He suffered PTSD following Norah’s death, and both he and Naomi received individual counselling and couples’ therapy.
“I can’t thank the therapist enough,” he said. “She was brilliant.”
Still, Ross believes creating the support group and organising Nine4Norah events gave him something he desperately needed.
“It gives me an outlet, which is a major thing. There was no outlet after the loss,” he said.
“I think through WhatsApp you can hide a bit if that makes sense? I never wanted to go to a support group and sit around tables and say ‘I’m Ross and we lost’, I just don’t feel comfortable with it in a group.”
The Nine4Norah challenges are deliberately tough: 100km overnight walks, midnight marathons, and multi-day endurance events. Ross says Norah is with him throughout every challenge.
“Norah’s on my mind the whole time so she obviously gets me through,” he said.
“I think, well look, these challenges are difficult, but what the families are going through, what we’ve been through, other families go through, the loss, there’s a lot harder things going on out there.
“Me and the team taking on these challenges is nothing in comparison really.”
Ross says the hardest events are the ones done alone, and that sharing the experience with other bereaved dads makes a huge difference.
“We can bounce off and pick each other up when we’re struggling at 3 o’clock in the morning when we’ve still got 20 miles to walk,” he said.
“I think just knowing you’ve all been through the same thing can get you through that. Whereas when you’re on your own, you haven’t got that, you’ve just got to stay in your own mind and it’s a lot more difficult to get in a good headspace.”
Since Nine4Noah began, the family has grown.
“I always try not to think of what could have been. It’s difficult. We had Norah for a few hours, but I think of her brother and sister now and I think we’re so fortunate and so lucky to have them,” Ross said.
“Music’s a great one too. We’ve got songs that we have, we’ve got one special song for Norah which I often put on and I think it’s just fate, but sometimes it tends to just come on at the right time which is just when you need it.”
Events already in the Nine4Norah calendar for 2026 include the Flawed Hero Midnight Marathon on 26 April, the Cotswold Way Ultra Challenge on 13/14 June, Endure24 Leeds in Leeds on 4/5 July, and the annual Nine4Norah Golf Day on 4 September at Aldenham Golf & Country Club.
Ross is currently seeking support with event costs for this year’s challenges, including tops, travel and more. Anyone able to help is encouraged to get in touch.
Donations to Nine4Norah can be made via GoFundMe.
Featured image credit: Ross Coniam
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